Super-Huge Mustard

As I wandering around the enormous aisles of Sam's Club, something very large and yellow caught my eye. I stared dumbstruck and was in awe as the glorious, three pound tub shinned its magnificence upon me. While soaking myself in its holy light, my life flashed before my eye with this marvelous product. I saw myself standing in a baseball stadium, a hotdog in one hand, the large tub of goodness between my knees. Then I see myself using the tub everyday on things I eat; hamburgers, fish salad, bologna sandwiches, fries & cheese, beans with chili, turkey with salami, rice and ground meat, and meat loaf. After that, I saw myself laying on the couch, in a dark room lighted by candles. A movie is running on the TV, and I am covered by a cozy blanket. The large tub of mustard lay on my chest, and I was eating out of it with a large spoon.



I shake out of my fantasies of the Super-Huge mustard and I am back at the aisle. I must buy this, no matter the cost! I glanced at the label of the hub, ready to make my move. Two-hundred forty-nine dollars and ninety-nine cents, a respectable price for a product of that stature. I frantically open up my wallet but was horrified by the most grizzly of sights. All I was in possession of was four dollars, and a lonely nickel. A single tear ran down my check, and my fumbling hands drop my wallet to the ground. My dream would not come true today. All is lost. I stared at the relic of yellow gold in front of me for several hours until the store closed. The drive home was quiet and long. The sun was down and a light drizzle of rain made a very melancholy mood. I slumbered back into my house and sit down on the couch. As I flip on the television, a commercial for the Super-Huge mustard appeared instantly. Even there in the blackness of my room, I was engulfed by the bright yellow light of the mustard. I break down, and flip off the switch and head for the kitchen. Opening my refrigerator, I see an empty spot between the cabbage and the leftovers of last night's dinner. That was the empty throne that could of have been filled by the yellow container of greatness. I let out a great sigh, and with the last of my strength I drag myself up the stairs to the bedroom. I am too lazy to take off my clothes or get under the covers of my bed, and lay there silently observing the ceiling.